Erica (arguing): No you can’t!
Trevor: No I can’t!
E: Yes you can!
T: It’s like in cartoons, when they’re arguing…
Alex: Wow, she totally just fell for it…
Erica: No I didn’t!
Alex: Yes you did.
Erica: No I didn’t!
Alex: No you didn’t!
Erica (yelling): YES I DID!
[Note: Erica is a really fantastic, generous, friendly person, this just catches her in a compromised moment]
(Regarding Fantasy Baseball)
[Walking to Physics]
Me: Did you see that Josh picked up that player way in advance?
Rich: No, I picked him up, actually.
Me: Oh, I was gonna say, Josh is really on top of things.
Rich: Jason, the only thing that Josh is on top of just walked into physics class.
Ally [walking into class]: Hey, guys.
[Going over a test]
Mr. Weisler: Do we need to go over these questions? I think everybody got them right.
Me [quietly]: I actually got one of them wrong…
Oren: It’s ok, Jason, some of my best friends are retarded.
[Adam, shortly after having convinced Erica that Woodies are too poor to afford spoons]
Adam: That conversation actually really hurt me, ’cause we’re so left out that we don’t have spoons and talking about it made me feel different. It hurts to be different.
Erica: I’ll get you spoons if you want.
Adam: If I get spoons, my Woody friends will disown me. It’s not right.
Erica: I’ll get them all spoons!
“I just watched Brokeback Mountain. It made me want to be a cowboy.”
-David, (trying to express that he thinks wearing cowboy hats is cool)
[Mr. Arrigo, after having declared that he is weird, discusses how weird each of the class members is]
Mr. Arrigo: Tom is definitely weird. But it’s the good kind of weird.
Tom: Of course. Being weird is fantastic. It’s simple supply and demand!
Me: …Yeah, I’m modest too. I’m *really* modest. In fact, there was a modest tournament. I was the first seed. I swept. It wasn’t even close.
Adam: You know, saying you’re modest means you’re not modest.
[Everyone stops and looks at him in disbelief. Beat.]
Adam: Seriously. You’re bragging. It’s not modest.
[Beat. He gets it.]
Adam: Oh, come on!
Me: I figured I should introduce David to Mr. Phillipson. You know, he kind of wants to be a film critic, Mr. Phillipson kind of is a film critic.
Oren: That’s kind of like six degrees of Kevin Bacon…
Me: I see what you me-
Oren: …because they’re both retarded.
[Mrs Krahl, excitedly introducing a reading on the KKK]
Mrs. Krahl: This reading is what the KKK really believed in. And it’s perfect for *you,* Richard!
Entire class turns to look at Richard